Saturday, December 3, 2011

To All The Bartenders I've Ever Loved Before

   Exotic Male Dancers are definitely the drawing card for me when determining which clubs I want to visit. But while watching those sexy men dance and provide a night of fantasies for me, I enjoy sipping one of my favorite alcoholic beverages. Unless I'm the designated driver, I will enjoy one or two. I'm a light weight drinker but I do have a few cocktails or beers that I prefer.
(Photo: Spin in Chicago, IL)

   Let's start with the hard stuff. I always like starting with the hard stuff when watching exotic male dancers. (Yes, pun intended.) I prefer a martini, a dirty martini to be exact. In a chilled martini glass, I like a dash of Vermouth poured in, swished around and then poured out. Too much Vermouth is not a good thing. In a shaker add 6 oz. of Vodka and 1.5 oz of green olive brine from the jar. Gently shake it together. Pour to the rim, the unstrained mixture into the chilled martini glass. The "dirty" name comes from the cloudy look of the martini in the glass due to the olive juice/brine. Skewer three large green olives on a cocktail toothpick and place inside the glass. Sip slowly, I said slowly. Tip the bartender.
(Photo: MJs in Los Angeles, CA)

   At this point I think I should state that a designated amount or tip budget for the night should have already been established. If you drink more than one dirty martini, your money will begin to fly out of your pocket and into the waistband, socks, armband, etc., of your favorite exotic male dancer. And he may not actually be your favorite dancer but the one who has become your favorite due to the introduction of alcohol into the evening. Do I know this from experience? I reserve the right not to incriminate myself.
(Photo: Splash in New York, NY)

   On a night when I'm not in the mood for sipping but feel I need to relax quickly, I prefer a Jack and Coke. And if you have a good bartender then he/she will prepare a J-A-A-A-CK and coke, with emphasis on the amount of Jack Daniel's poured into the glass as compared to the amount of coke. I do not suggest specific amounts of each ingredient but rather let the bartender determine that. Oh, and I do like ice in my glass as well, but not an excessive amount since we do want to enjoy our sugary, stiff concoction. The appropriate response to this drink is to loosen up and enjoy the show. Go easy. If you have too many, you won't be able to tip the boyz unless they are making housecalls at your table, which I do hope they are doing.
(Photo: Mojos in Tulsa, OK)

   And while I am on the subject of whiskey, I must admit that I do enjoy a Crown and Coke from time to time. Crown Royale is very smooth. This is not a drink for getting drunk. This is a whiskey you drink and savor. So, sit back, act like you are the richest man/woman in the room. Be careful with how many you drink of these as well. You might wind up giving most of your money to the bartender with little left for the dancers. And after all, it is the dancers that we are here to enjoy.
(Photo: Dick's Cabaret in Phoenix, AZ)

   There are some nights that I cristen beer nights. I never know when a beer night will occur, they just happen. I will have to say that most of them do occur during the hot months of the summer. It seems a cold beer on a hot summer night is sometimes the only thing that will do. When this occurs my beer of choice is a Dos Equis Amber with a wedge of lime. There are times when money is tight and I must drink on a budget. During those times I go with Bud Light in a bottle. If money is seriously an issue, then Bud Light draft is the drink of choice. I don't want to but I have to. There's nothing wrong with Bud Light, but I prefer a darker beer. And let me state here, that there are those who prefer beer on tap rather than in a bottle as well. The good thing about being a light weight drinker is that I can drink three beers and I am good for the night. So, not only am I a light weight drinker, but a cheap one when necessary as well. The bottom line here is that I want to make sure I have enough money to tip the boyz. So, a cheaper drink, and less of it are fine with me.
(Photo: Johnny's in Ft. Lauderdale, FL)

   Beware of bartenders/owners/managers bearing gifts! Free drinks are great! And I will occasionally stop in at a club/bar early to catch a free drink special. Also, there are bartenders who want to introduce their newest creation and give you a free sample...ok, I'll bite. Then there are owners/managers who will offer you free drinks if you are a good customer, or a potential good customer. Let's just say, that sometimes free drinks are hidden encouragement to spend more money. We all know that as you consume more alcohol, your inhibitions begin to drop, your financial filters begin to fade, and the tight grip you had on your wallet when you entered the door, begins to loosen up. If you think you'll have a problem with giving all your money to the pretty boys, then take a specific amount into the bar and leave the rest at home, in the bank, or at least in your car. Then, if you want to spend more money, you have to either drive home and get it, go to the ATM, or walk out to your car. This will help you be a little more financially responsible.
(Photo: BJsNXS in Dallas, TX)

   There are times when I stray away from the drinking patterns above but for the most part, I am a creature of habit and I follow them closely. During the holiday season, step into your favorite bar/club that presents exotic male dancer entertainment, and tip the bartender an extra buck or two. Share the spirit of the season. Until next time, look for me at the table down front. I'll be the one sipping the dirty martini and tipping the boyz! Happy Holidays!