I am a yearly feature on Santa's Naughty List. But this year is going to be different. I've been good (stop laughing). Seriously, I have been good. I know the word 'good' can be a relative term. But I think I have learned the true meaning of the word and I am finally going to be on that nice list. This year I have made a Christmas wish list, and I want everyone to please read it and let me know if you think I'm on the right track to make it on Santa's nice list. I'm trying really, really hard.
First, I want to wake up on Christmas morning and see the dancing boys from Club Cobra in North Hollywood under my tree. When these boys dance it's like watching a symphony conductor moving his wand around. Of course, he'd have to have a wand with a 6" circumference and be 8" or more in length. I want to point out that thinking of classical music played by a symphony orchestra is what a good person would do, right? Yes, I think so. I do believe this will help me make it on Santa's nice list. (Click above video and see for yourself.)
Next, I want to visit Santa's North Pole. If I take a personal interest in Santa maybe that will help me get on the nice list. I've always heard that the North Pole is a happy and fun place. On Santa's North Pole, I would show that I know how to have fun by climbing to the top and then sliding back down. You know like on a sled in the snow. And I could make fun sounds while doing it. I don't think I'd ever get tired of climbing to the top, then sliding back down and then climbing back to the top and sliding back down. I could do it over and over until exhausted. That is how fun I am. I'm pretty sure it would put a smile on Santa's face. I've met the Santas at the malls or in the clubs and they are nice, but in my mind the Santa at the North Pole looks like the dancer Frank (pic above) from Stockbar in Montreal, Quebec. Canada gets cold like the North Pole and they have a lot of snow, so it would make sense if the real Santa looks like Frank.
I do have a more compassionate side as well. While tipping Johnny W. Dangerously (pic above) from Columbus, OH my hand 'slipped' and I discovered that Johnny carries a big load. I'd like to help Johnny to relieve that load. I want Johnny to feel that he can come to me and shed everything. I'd be willing to do whatever I could to assist him. It's just the kind of person I am. By helping others like Johnny with the load they have to carry on a daily basis, Santa would surely look kindly on me and possibly add me to the nice list.
Sweets are always popular during the holidays. Enjoying the traditions of the season will surely help me get on Santa's nice list. I've never heard of an official Christmas cake but I see a lot of cakes that I would like to enjoy. There is fruit cake. But with fruit cake there's different strokes for different folks. Personally, I like to soak the fruit cake in rum first. This year I think I'd like to pour rum on it as I eat it. There are also several cakes that I'd like to divide right down the middle. I'm ready to jump in and show Santa that I love the holidays. And thinking of Christmas cake brought Tre Baldwin to my mind (pic above). So, I'm going to invite him to join me.
I think it would be really considerate of me to swap roles with Santa this year. If I give him a break, he'll see that I am a giving person and that would help me be considered for the nice list. Instead of me sitting on his lap telling him what I like, I'm going to have him sit on my lap and he can let me know what he likes. I'm hoping Santa will open up and share his deepest feelings. I know I'd be willing to go deep with him. I could practice first to make sure I can fill Santa's roll. I could start with the boys at Sidetrack Video Bar in Chicago. Tristen (right side in pic above) is a long time friend of Males In Motion. I would love to practice with him first and then to make sure I'm getting it right, I'll move on to the other two. They say practice makes perfect and I think that's a good motto if you want to be placed on Santa's nice list.
If someone is buying a big appliance like a refrigerator with your Christmas money, let me know. I am offering to come and get the empty box and haul it away for you. Doing a good deed like that should give me kudos with Santa. Christmas always makes me feel like a kid, I really would like to play inside the box. I'd invite others to play with me. Someone like Gio from Piranha Nightclub in Las Vegas would be a good choice. A refrigerator box is tall like Gio. And for both of us to be able to play in the box at the same time, I'd be willing to kneel. You know, so we'll both fit. Of course, if bartender D Papi Shulo wants to play too, I'll find a way for us all to fit, even if I have to cut a hole in the box. (See pics above to see why I've chosen them to be my playmates.)
I've always been the type of person who is willing to give a helping hand. I think this is a good personality trait to have if you want to be placed on Santa's nice list. In my travels over several years I have always tried to lend a helping hand in places like The Corner Pocket in New Orleans, Dick's Cabaret in Phoenix, Swinging Richard's in Atlanta, and the X-Room at Mardi Gras in Springfield, MA. I even used both hands at the Stockbar in Montreal. This year I really want to give a helping hand at Pieces Bar in NYC. And I personally think I should reach out to dancer Ken (video above) who has been known to dance at Piece's on Sunday night. I'll ask Holly Dae, host of the Sunday night show, if she'll put in a good word for me. Of course, there are a lot of other fine dancers at Pieces as well and I know that sometimes giving a helping hand needs to be a group effort. I think if I work with a large group of male dancers like they always have at Pieces, Santa should take notice and place me on his nice list. (Click and play the video above. No seriously, you'll want to.)
And just so you know how serious I am about making it on the nice list, later this month I have decided to do volunteer work with the dancing boys at Boxers N Briefs near St. Louis (See pics above). There wasn't really a volunteer position open but I don't mind. I'll be offering my personal skills and opinions to evaluate their on-bar, in-shower and on-stage performances. And it's all volunteer work, strictly from the kindness of my heart. I'll also be conducting research on how well certain socks hold up to tipping. Much of the night they are only wearing socks so I won't be able to check their other items of clothing. I also plan to do some in-depth research with some of them in the nice private lounge that is provided. Doing volunteer evaluations and research like this must place me in Santa's favor for the nice list.
I think the winning action to finally place me on Santa's nice list is how I gave back to my community during this season. I didn't have to do it. It wasn't asked of me. I just felt like it was time for me to give something back. During a private party I arranged for Santa to make an appearance. He wasn't the jolly little ol' elf Santa but the party guests didn't seem to mind. It made my heart happy to see how much joy he brought to the room. The red suit is hot but wearing only the hat is serious fun too. It's your guess where he wore the hat part of the night. The party was given by Jason Martin of Salon Venues (See pic above). Our very own dancer Cory was there to deliver gifts to the guest as a sexy Santa. Surely this act will place me on Santa's nice list.
Thanks for reading my wish list. What do you think? Will I finally make it on the nice list? Who am I kidding? I'll never be on the nice list and I've accepted that fate because being naughty the whole year makes it so damn worth it! We at Males In Motion wish you the best during this holiday season. We encourage you to remember your favorite dancers and add them to your shopping list. Hint: They like gift cards they can use to buy new underwear to dance in! And as you party during this season, please, remember to tip the boyz! They still like those dollar bills as well!
NOTE: As you know this blog was all for a laugh. There are some very reputable organizations doing good work in a lot of different areas. There is a lot of volunteer work that is needed, and anyone can find a place to give something back to your community. We encourage everyone to find a place to make a difference.
Click below and watch those sexy French Canadian boys!
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